Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Pandas are coming



I saw this in the news this morning:

Panda Attacks Man... Again

I am amused by the previous drunken attack where the man bit back.

The story reminded me of the Sifl & Olly "Panda Song"



After dark the pandas stalk
Nightmare creatures with black hearts
Ravenous teeth that glow in the dark
feasting on bums that sleep in the park

the panda is indeed the most mysterious of all creatures
shrouded in the enigma of it's black and white coat
what kind of camouflage is this?
black and white?
hiding in an Oreo factory could be
that's just another chapter in the endless saga of the panda!

chorus
the pandas are coming!
to rip off your head!
the pandas are coming!
on a rampage of the dead!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Hannah Montana Release


Should I be concerned that on my commute into the office this morning I found an insightful work related song? I am driving a rental until my car gets fixed form the wreck. Figures no German car parts are in stock anywhere near here.
Rental has satellite radio and I have been sampling the airwaves on my commute each day. Radio Disney is a few clicks away from Raw Dog which makes me laugh too much (broken ribs).

Hannah Montana must have dealt with last minute release loading issues to pull this one off:


Sometimes I'm in a jam
I've gotta make a plan

It might be crazy

I do it anyway
No way to know for sure

I'll figure out a cure
I'm patchin' up the holes

But then it overflows
If I'm not doin' to well

Why be so hard on my self?


[Chorus]

Sometimes I work a scheme

But then it flips on me

Doesn't turn out how I planned

get stuck in quick sand

No problem, can't be solved

Once I get involved
I try to be delicate
Then crash right into it

My intentions are good

Sometimes just misunderstood


[Chorus]

Next time you feel like...
it's just one of those days...

when you just can't seem to win

If things don't turn out the way you plan,

FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT!
Don't stay down! Try again! YEAH!


I think I will have to download the mp3 to listen to today while I try to find out who has the patches for the holes in 2008.02 Indirect lending purge fatals. I have a deadline of Sunday January 11,2009 to get this release up and running without corrupting the system. I escalated the cases, and now I am just waiting for a patch re-install. Maybe it's about time to start up a indirect lending module support group? Symitar is being supportive, but I think they're feeling the stress form this one too.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Halloween Candy Code

If you find hobo code amusing try this:

http://www.cockeyed.com/archive/candy_code/candy_code.html

Teach your kids to how to label the houses (sidewalks) as they trick or treat next year.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

lava lamp +chocolate syrup = bad google search

Lesson learned today:

Do not look up craft instructions at work.

lava lamp + chocolate syrup +google search = nasty results

All I wanted to know is what they used the chocolate syrup for in the lava lamp project. I was guessing to counter balance an oil substance, but couldn’t figure out why they weren’t using a corn syrup or similar substance instead. All I got were a bunch of links to pron.

Sigh.

I also find it humorous that they (work web filter) blocked www.mormonchic.com (the originator of the craft project instructions) for “explicit content”. That’s the first time I have seen Mormon and explicit content on the same page.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Emperor Palpatine for US Energy Secretary

Article on Death Star Firepower:

http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/Tech/Beam/DeathStar.html

The article works out how much energy had to be in the beam that blew up Alderaan. Long story short, something in the range of 10^32 joules is necessary to blow apart a planet. A joule is one watt-second, so considering that the beam struck Alderaan for about one second in Episode IV, that means the Death Star superlaser had a an output of 10^32 watts.

The National Ignition Facility–which is using the world’s largest laser array to try and create a microsoecond of fusion–informs us that the entire United States has an electrical generating capacity of about 5 x 10^11 watts. Back-of-the-napkin math: It would take 10^21 United States-worth of generators–as in a billion trillion Americas–to generate the same amount of energy that the Death Star superlaser released in one second.

If anyone can find a way to solve the energy crisis it's Darth Sidious.

Recession - It's a Tarp

Friday, September 12, 2008

Girls Gone Geek

Asked and Answered…


1) Why do geek girls find geek guys attractive? Does it go beyond the ill-fitting clothes, the recent stench of stale pizza and spilled mountain dew, and the CRT radiation-burned eyeballs? It’s all in the brains... and weird obsessive behavior is often a plus. You know, like the need to play the same level in a video game over and over until they've killed every creature. I think for me that means he might be distracted enough to pay attention to ME until I'm happy. Please note that the guys will have a hard time deciding between video games and a girl at times. A strategic outfit will help sway his opinion... but you playing a video game in that outfit will be even better ;)

2) What can a geek guy do to get a geek girl to notice him? Speak to her like she's an equal:) Be funny. Ask her opinion on geeky stuff (computer games, video game platforms, computer stuff as a whole). Then VALUE her opinion. We know our stuff!

3) Does a geek girl judge a geek guy on the technology that he surrounds himself with? Yes. I don't necessarily expect him to have the best and newest... But I do notice if he isn't knowledgeable on the latest stuff.

4) True/False: Geek girls are more affectionate than non-geek girls. Why? I can only speak of myself... and for me at least I think I am. Why? *shrugs* I don't know. I know that I work around guys all day long and sit in front of the computer all day long. And I really miss that "human touch" element. Women tend to touch each other when talking and such, working around guys I don't get that:) I am just touchy feely – it’s a girl thing.

5) What is the one conversation topic that a geek girl can't resist? A topic I can't resist?!? Honestly it doesn't matter what the subject is. Just ask questions and listen to what I say. Be genuine about showing your interest in the stuff that interests me.

6) Have you ever used your girl geekiness to sway the outcome of an event that a geek boy controlled? Say, for example, your ability to acquire an Xbox 360 on the day of release? Hell yes. Cleavage, eye batting, sweet talking=getting what I would like. Any girl that says she doesn't use her b00bs to get stuff is lying:) Works for guitar collecting too!

7) Do geek boys make better longterm relationship partners that non-geeks? Why? Yes they do... but not because geek girls or guys are better. But it’s because most geeky guys aren't really social, so their chances of meeting someone "new" or "better" aren't great. They don't go to bars to meet girls usually. Plus a geek girls have more in common with geek boys then non geek girls. :)

8) True/False: Geek girls are impressed by geek boys that continuously show them how much smarter they are. If you're always trying to show off how smart you are, I'm likely going to prove that you AREN'T "so much smarter" and that is kinda fun. Just don’t be an ass about it.

9) Amongst the members of the tribe 'geek', sexism does not exist. All geeks are created equal, therefore all are paid equal. Is this true in your experience? No. This is not true. Sexism does exist. I think that geeky guys tend to think that other geeky guys are better than geeky girls. Geeky girls have to prove themselves more than the geeky guys.

10) What is the worst pick up line that a geek boy has used on you? All of them… I have yet to hear a good pick up line.

I have so much love to give you'll have to pipe it through more.

Did you make a Google Bomb? Whatever I search for, it's you I find.

Do you work for a TelCom? Because I bet you'd be good at pulling cable.

I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.

Would you like to play Scrabble with me? I am tired of playing with myself.

You compute me.

Girl, I wish I was your differential, because then I'd be touching all your curves.

But enough about me, let's talk about mu.

Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.

You've stolen the ASCII to my heart.

You must've been made by Intel to be that hot!

Tell me of this thing you humans call *dramatic pause* love.

They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.

Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!

You must be Windows 95 because you gots me so unstable.

My 'up-time' is better than BSD.

I can tell by your emoticons that you're looking for some company.

Is that an iPod mini in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.

Want to see my Red Hat?

If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.

Star Wars - rodent style

I couldn’t resist.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

hurricane

Office Procedures Concerning Storm and Office Closings

As we watch the progress of the storm, the following are the
firm's guidelines based upon the hurricane's intensity:


Hurricane Category #1
No excuse for being late. Leave earlier to give extra time to
avoid fallen trees and limbs.


Hurricane Category #2
Due to the horizontal rain, you may wear jeans.


Hurricane Category #3
Whereas most of the area will be flooded we suggest you
avoid wearing open toe sandals when coming to work. Canoes will be
provided to get to the building safely without getting wet.


Hurricane Category #4
More than likely there will be no electricity. Given that, we
will have manual typewriters available to all staff members. Please take
extra caution and wear water-proof make-up if Category 4 or above.


Hurricane Category #5
Velcro will be provided to keep you attached to your chairs when
the windows blow out. For those that survive, we will have chocolate
cake at 3:00 pm in the kitchen.

Thanks Cindy for emailing this!!!

Friday, July 18, 2008

After my response calculation on drinking alignment…

Symigoddess:alignment=good

for each drink<>gin

do

if Symgoddess:action="drinking" then

do

good=good+1

if drink=sake+beer then

do

Symigoddess=Symigoddess+ninjaskillz

If ninjaskillz>0 then creativesolution=creativesolution+1

end

if drink=mojito then

minty=true

if drink=vodka then

do

if vodka=greygoose then

Symigoddess:action="drinking" else

If vodka=well then

Symigoddess:action="complain"

end

end until drink=empty

if drink=empty and symigoddess:location="San Diego" then

do

jbfbuying=true

if sushi=true then

do

Symigoddess:location="zenbu"

sake=true

end

end

I am really craving some CA sushi. zenbu is one of my favs. TX sushi is really lacking. We have Uchi in Austin which is more American high end sushi inspired gastronomy, and Godai which for San Antonio is pretty impressive… but neither compare to CA. I guess it’s the proximity to the fish. Living in TX is my first time living more than 20 minutes from an Ocean. I miss living off the Pacific, and the Atlantic too. I have a trip to the eastern shore in August right before SEC, so I will have to get in my fix of blue crabs and seafood when I am out there.

Monday, June 16, 2008